Ernie Thayer

I was chatting with a friend about how it is that sometimes we are quite aware of things, watchful and scanning, yet not really awake to what is really going on inside us. Often people who’ve suffered trauma, especially as children, are extremely watchful of their environment to keep them safe. This allowed us to take note of something significant: when attention is squeezed down into someone’s psychological concerns, it becomes vigilance. Continue Reading »

How enterprising is my ‘self’! Even without my consent, It seems endlessly to build all manner of edifice, structures, stories, (whole novels even!) then invites me in to play (of course) the vital role. Continue Reading »

“When the heart is breaking, the self bleeds self-pity, but Presence bleeds love.”

Several people have mentioned to me lately (including some in shaky economic situations) how greatly relaxing it is to witness the machinations of oneself with only compassion and warm attention. I guess this is hard to express, but well worth the attempt. Continue Reading »

I think I was set up….

Yesterday was a lovely day with visiting family, showing off some of our gorgeous coastline. A clear wintry blue sky, cool but comfy, endlessly inviting walks and viewpoints, sea lion roars, crashing surf, surging swell hiding then revealing the contours of the sea. Afterwards, the puppies (and several of the humans!) lay listless most of the evening, having spent themselves at the beaches. I felt a cozy warmth from the day’s activity, tired but happy.

I remember clearly how that morning I’d pulled a warm fleece blanket around me while reading, and suddenly felt deeply the warmth of life, and a smile spread across my face. A familiar act performed for thousands of years by millions of people. Yet this was one of those ‘little’ moments where I felt the enormous depth of life. Continue Reading »

I have had so many interesting conversations this week. Several fascinating realizations occurred in the process, among them:

• Under the glow of warm, unjudging attention, anger reveals something true about a person that until then was unavailable to their awareness. The anger disappears, and deep ease replaces it. New directions appear…

• When there is undue attention given to choosing, controlling or trying in one’s life (the “me” running the life), the actual present movements of one’s being remain relatively unseen. Left unattended to are attractions, affection, stirred interests, sensations in the body, the feelings of authentic response to life that occur spontaneously in the immediacy of living. At the same time there are reactions because of ‘how I want my life to go’. Yet the authentic and unseen movements, if not resisted, bring us the deep sense of fullness which control and choice are seeking, but cannot bring us.

• In even the most dramatic disturbances in one’s life, such as death, illness or the breaking of an important relationship, deep insights into our nature are available, and seeing them changes us dramatically. We are left more loosely bound to the drama of our life, and less identified with s/he who is living it. We can see a door we are drawn to walk through into more light and more ease.

• How astounding it is to rediscover that when there is genuine attention to anything without thought, with no judgment, no identification, but only warm, curious attention…then what is revealed (besides the truth of what is watched), is a state of being that’s truly alive in the moment, active and free of history or any ‘story’. This is who we truly are but have forgotten, and that we long to reclaim as our birthright. In that sublime watchful state there moves a facile intelligence that is not of thought and so can be trusted where thinking has no role.

I realize these musings must seem abstract scribbled here in words, but I assure you that had you witnessed the processes as they occurred, you would yourself be moved to tears (as I was). I only hope you can feel through these puny words the realities they point to.