Ernie Thayer

How enterprising is my ‘self’! Even without my consent, It seems endlessly to build all manner of edifice, structures, stories, (whole novels even!) then invites me in to play (of course) the vital role. It has this insistent way about it – it will continue to do this unless there is deep and explicit attention to its doings. “Without my consent” means that unless there is some outside awareness and intelligent response to its shenanigans, it has permission to persist. Kind of like a mischievous kid. It ain’t right, of course, but it seems to be how it is… Probably it is important for thinking to be able to operate below awareness because its real utility is in keeping a body safe. (Emphasis “body”).

I think this is the source of my use of the expression “old default” to describe the way we’ve lived for so long – it’s the default setting on the software (thought and the whole of it’s memory storage) unless there is something done expressly to change it. The old default was set a long time ago, both for mankind and for me personally, growing up in a world of human consensus which mostly operates this way. This is our conditioning, our programming. This is not our fault, only what we’re left to deal with. The grinding wheel of history leaves us in this predicament as it crushes us. No fault; no blame – just so. It’s sort of like being stuck with an old DOS computer. If none of this were going on in my life, you could say I’d be at zero – nothing happening in that realm, DOS operating system disabled. It’s still in the machine, but it isn’t operating the hardware any more.

Fortunately, all that is necessary to keep the mischief maker from running the show, is Warm, Curious Attention.

What are all these structures and stories made of? Thinking – the living activity of memory from the past into the imagined future. So, for example, if I’ve been hurt by, say, women or by streetcars or?, I might respond in some situation with suspicion toward women or streetcars or anything similar (classic psychology). I’m programmed that way; that’s my default settling, and not my fault. And ‘me’ (the supposed operator of that thought-machine) will write stories about reality to remind me of what there is to react to, defend against, pursue or avoid. A story tells me the ‘truth’ of what is or has happened, and especially how it relates to me! And if I take the story to be true, I must then react as dictated by the story, whether it hurts or not.

Yet all of this can be seen deeply for what it is. I (ahem, not the same “I”) can see the truth about the false. I can see the stories for what they are. In so doing I (damn language) am living from a different place, from a warm, curious attention – this is the new default. One can operate a human life from this place! We simply have not realized this. There’s still plenty of software for living on the earth – language, driving, surfing if you like, all sorts of skill, memory, vigilance for safety, etc., but there’s no longer any need for software that operates psychologically, as ‘me’ and ‘my’ protection. Nor is there any longer a need to control ‘my life’ except as noted here, since now the living is this warm curiosity. Ah!

It’s delicious to live from zero.