Ernie Thayer

I was laughing at myself this morning because I caught some silly thinking going on in my head while I was making tea. I was thinking about what might happen to Holly (my dear wife) if I died, and what would happen to me if Holly died. The scenarios ran to such silly lengths that I suddenly found myself laughing out loud! Such serious matters! (So far as I know, we’re both fine.)

For some reason this let me notice how this sort of inexpressible distance from myself – one that permits the joy of seeing myself for what I am in any moment – actually makes me a safe person. Safe from creating suffering in myself, and safe for others who encounter me – my wife, friends, clients, even strangers. Why? Because from that distance, ‘myself’ with my endless self-concern, wanting you (or me) to be different than you are, and wanting to use you for my benefit, etc., isn’t who shows up. Instead, some deeper, perceptive, even loving presence greets and relates to you, even if ‘myself’ (“Ernie”) is occasionally active inside. I notice that love dominates the interaction, even if it is not expressed (if, for example, there is no opening in the other person). So I find there is no judgment of you or of myself. There is openness to whatever may happen, no agenda for how things should go between us, and so an easy presence that often you can feel too.

What this implies essentially, is the end of violence. Violence as the attempt to change something or someone based on my idea, ideals, notions or beliefs. Violence can be physical or mental/emotional. When I try to persuade you (for my own sense of well being) to my point of view, or to use or judge you in any way, I am engaging in violence against you. This is obvious when it erupts on the surface as physical aggression, but it’s visible even before that. When I don’t want to use you for my benefit, I am incapable of violence against you.

If you’re willing to look inside you, without judgment of yourself, maybe you can find this source of violence. It is from ‘you’ and ‘me’ that it springs, not from heaven or hell – though it has wrought all kinds of hell.

Of course, in everyday life there’s a legitimate place for the effort to change things that need changing (a flat tire, a better tax advisor, a corrupt or dangerous politician, etc.) or that might be fun to change (e.g., art and music!). That isn’t what I’m talking about. I’m pointing at the INWARD force of the “me” to make things different for “my” sake (or by extension, “my country”, “my ideals” or “my religion”). It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t use physical or emotional force to stop violence against me or another. But the plain reason to do so would be to prevent harm, not to enhance or protect my psychological well-being.

Fortunately, this whole mechanism is disarmed by presence, that deeper being that you are which watches and learns and moves intelligently and spontaneously from what it sees. The seeing of “me” is the end of violence and the arising of real security. Safety that doesn’t need us to gather money or things or to reinforce borders or change how our neighbors think. One can feel emotionally secure no matter what.

Someone can still attack you with judgment or a gun (though they will probably have less cause), but you will know how that happens and be free of it yourself. You will be bringing real safety to the world. Our earth is begging for it. We can indeed be the change we want to see in the world – just by paying uncritical attention to ourselves. Then watch what happens…