The Collapse of Time
August 19th, 2008 by Ernie
Hello all you wonderful souls,
This month’s retreat in B.C. has been settling in me, starting with discussions in the car on the way home with Holly & Maria. Whoo boy!
The weekend was, in part, an attempt to describe my most recent understandings in a way that doesn’t sound woo-woo or inaccessible: that human beings are essentially awareness which can see the thinking self with no agenda whatsoever. Then the identity moves out of the small, self-concerned “me” and there’s “no one home”.
Before, we thought we had to resist, do something to solve our ‘stuff, to become awake, etc. Now we see clearly not just the stuff, but the incessant “me” who has a relationship to it. Is ‘stuff’ a problem without “me” messing with it? What problem is loneliness if I don’t resist it, just let it alone, let it express and do not a thing about it, only hang out with it lovingly, tenderly. “Loneliness” becomes loving tenderness.
When there is only direct perception of “me” (who resists EVERYTHING), with no attempt to get rid of it, time collapses. The future is irrelevant because I will no longer use time to solve my problems. The only conflict has been between “me” and “my stuff”. Without “me”, there’s only peace, and that loving, curious intelligence. Then change occurs on its own. Many bravely put this on display for us during the recent retreat. Wow.
For me, the recognition of the fact that we are essentially awake stillness itself has been profound. At first I felt ’empty’ and somewhat lost, though at peace. Eventually ’empty’ became the blessed fact it is. There is nothing and no one, only light shining. Not an experience. A fact. This was scary to see because of the arrogance it seemed to entail. How could I think I was THAT? But it is so – it’s true of me and it’s true of you. So there’s nobody to feel arrogant or fear it. We are life itself in human form witnessing life, and realizing this changes us absolutely. This is our home and our reason to be here. It’s our genuine nature as humans, not the tortured and distorted existence we’ve been living. This awareness is free from any tether, depends on nothing and needs nothing to be different. And by it’s nature it loves unabashedly. Which means, when we realize what we truly are, that WE are free, depend on nothing, need nothing to change, and love unabashedly. This sure ain’t something “Ernie” could do! But when Ernie’s not living the life, there is light, ease, freedom, beauty, and joy. And intelligence in motion. It sees what’s true and responds instantly and unfettered by any demand for security.
This intelligence can lead a life, even on earth where we live in a body, work, build skill in the world, love people and engage with the world. None of this is driven by need, but only by love. Nothing’s urgent. It doesn’t really matter how anything turns out, who loves me or how much money I have or how healthy I am.
Can you believe we are waking up to this!? As the Hopi elders remind us, ‘We are the people we have been waiting for.’
Welcome home.
Ernie,
This is lovely. Thank you. Reading it evoked my time with you and everyone else at the retreat in BC. Even though it was pouring down rain most of the time, it didn’t matter. Beautiful happenings were occurring and the light from them are still in my heart.
Much Love,
Lisa
Its so wonderful how the natural inquisitiveness comes back as the awareness heightens. Interestingly, its not only the curiousness about our own unfolding that allows even more awakening, but that curiousity in every aspect of our lives creates more ‘wow’. To approach that curiousity without typical ego of thinking that asking means that I don’t know, and to not know means that I am weak – to be free of this and come instead with love and inquisitiveness perpetuates the same. I can never ever really find words for the gifts that Ernie has given me – the return of curiousity, the freedom to feel love without worry of hurt or vulnerability, to know that very little really matters – I feel like I can live without anxiety. One day, as Ernie and I were sharing thoughts and feelings, I likened what has happened to me as an onion – that gradually, little things, and big ones, that have been “problems”, have dropped away. He compared how he had awakened to something more instantaneous, that really, this is all quite accessible in just a blink. However, still to this day, it feels as it is a gradual thing for me. At first, I found the analogy of Tolle’s – that this ego is like another person – pretty alarming and difficult to imagine. Gradually, though, it seems that it is, and that I can watch my ego do some pretty weird stuff, and say some pretty injured things. It must be that for some, the awakening occurs and they watch their ego hard at work. I told Ernie that I want an epiphany, but instead, gradually I was able to watch and be curious, and marvel at the way my mind would take me to the woodshed for a whippin’. Three years after being introduced to these ideas and I am starting to watch my ego, like a different me, wanting to engage in battle. I guess it happens differently for some people, but it did happen – whew! YEA!
How can I ever express my gratefulness?
Thank you, Pam! What a delight for me to see you flowering. By the way, I am a ‘slow learner’ too; I think I was referring to Tolle and Krishnamurti as people to whom it seemed to have occured in a flash, all at once. Not so for me!
Lisa, thanks for the comment, and your love. This last retreat was indeed a gift to all of us.
After watching a few ego happenings recently, I think the ego can be pretty funny & entertaining to watch… (these were not hurtful happenings). It made me say, “oh, brother!” (& not referring to you, E.C., lol!) To Lisa: Ever since you mentioned @ the ws about the hours between 4-7:00 a.m., if I’m awake (sorta), I keep watching for something… it makes me think of the quote from (Rumi?) that Wayne Dyer mentions, “The morning breezes have secrets to tell you. Do not go back to sleep.” I asked myself a question yesterday a.m. & I got all excited because I felt like I was giving my heart a break by allowing myself to just let it go & see what happens! Love to you all! mb aka bd