Ernie Thayer

Acceptance is an interesting word. At first blush, it would seem to be something one would ‘do’, to accept something. But in terms of what we talk about here, I believe acceptance more describes the result of something, rather than something I would ‘do’. Still, it’s useful to consider. Like gratitude, acceptance flows from a deep movement in us that changes us profoundly.

It seems to me that acceptance is what occurs when I surrender my sense of self in some situation – particularly my insistence that things be different than they are. In any given life situation I may have worn out and given up the strategy of resisting life-as-it-is because it hurt so much to resist. Or I may really see that letting go of something is the only intelligent thing. At that point, I give up and immediately I’m in acceptance. It doesn’t mean I like what’s going on, but there’s acceptance of how it is. The essential motion of the “me” who wants things different is released. Acceptance is then an attribute of living beyond my sense of self (of being someone separate from others or from life). From that state I may work on the ground to change something difficult or hurtful, or try to persuade someone to a different point of view, or fix the broken step, but that motion will be from acceptance, and thus not at all like psychological resistance. Action taken from acceptance is palpably different both in how it feels and in its effect.

Of course, trying to accept something that I don’t like because I think it’s a good idea or something I ‘should’ do, or because I’ll be more ‘spiritual’, is useless. Yielding my resistance in the face of life is not. It’s common for us to try to be better than we are, clearer than we are (even more accepting!), or more or less this way or that. In other words, we don’t often accept ourselves just as we are. We want to be better or different. This is the source of immense suffering. When there’s surrender to that suffering, there’s less of me. When there’s less of me, there’s more acceptance. With surrender and acceptance, the “me” that I believed needed to change is not even running the life anymore. Whether it improves or changes is irrelevant now; I am free of that concern.

It’s that absence of something again, rather than something new added. When there’s less of me, I am in surrender. I yield naturally to life’s movement. I flow with it instead of fight against it, whether my personal sense of myself likes it or not. Then I am open to the moment, to just being here without resistance. At moments, there is absolute surrender, a deep and intimate participation with life without the slightest hint of “me”. The feeling tones of this in one’s life are love, joy, ease, acceptance, gratitude, and deep compassion. I sometimes can’t help but weep. It’s almost a shock.